The Sign that He is not For You, Yet

I've been in a complicated relationship since the late 2014. I've gone through upside down with him. Break up then in love again then break up again. It's just like a cicle. And the most important is that it's always him who did it.

After break up I always feel like a desperate woman, unworthy, unhappy. But, I don't know why, I keep going back to him, and he always like that, sometimes hot and sometimes cold.

I don't understand my self at all. When I am with him, I always feel the neediness, to be around him, I feel like I can't live without him. I feel weak, and reckless.

I don't know whether he loves me or not, or it just because of he feel pity of me. He never like my parents, and he never try to make a further step, he just want to do what he likes to do. I always feel unindependent around him. My dreams become unimportant anymore when I'm with him. We have different view about life, about relationship, and everything.

I always look clumsy and stupid when I am with him, and he always see my negativity. I don't know whether this is because of me who look like ungrown up woman, or it's actually him.

I am still figure out about life, about who I am, what I want to be, and what I want to do. I just need someone who support me, because I know I am not as tough as I look. Iam still a little girl trying to figure out life.

Recently we broke up again, it's still hurt, but I want to try something new. I want to challenge my self, go out there, find my true self, and understand more about me.

Bismillah.

There is one quote that kept me going : You don't find your worth in a man. You find your worth within yourself and then you find a man who is worthy of you, remember that.

Aye aye..Be brave little girl, because you are worth it :)